Deeanne Gist - www.deeannegist.com - Inspirational Romance Author

Monday, August 14, 2006

Does It Ever Get Easier?

Our 19 year old left yesterday for her second year of college. Instead of staying on campus, she elected to share an apartment with three other girls. Greg took her up there in July with an old couch of ours, an old breakfast table of Grandma's (no chairs) and to assemble a loft bed we'd bought her. So, yesterday she reminded us the big stuff was done. She didn't think she needed us to help her move-in. She could do it on her own.

Beside the backdoor she lined up bags and bags of her most treasured possessions--a Dumb & Dumber DVD, a box filled with about 20+ pairs of shoes, her favorite pillow and her teddy bear. She would have some assembling to do yet when she arrived--a small bookshelf, a table to use as a desk and a chair. And as she stuffed some of Greg's tools into her car, she assured us she could do it.

I think what kept us from insisting on going was that she planned to caravan up with her boyfriend and his dad. We knew they would see to it that she got moved in safe and sound. And they did. She called last night to say she had arrived safely and everything was in the apartment and assembled.

Two gone, two still at home. But those two at home spent the night with their friends, so the house was quiet and empty and ... a bit forlorn. I think I'm a little more deflated this year than I was when our daughter first left home last year. Last year, I was excited for her to start on this new adventure. But she still needed me to help her check into the dorm and get her room all decorated and moved in. I saw where she was going to be living and had assured myself of her comfort and safety.

This time, I haven't even seen her apartment. Have only met one of her roommates. And this time she's more grown up. Has more confidence. Enough to say that she didn't need me to come with her--she could do it by herself.

And so we take another step. Toward releasing our young to the wilds. I thought it would be easier this time around.

posted by Deeanne at 10:49 AM

14 Comments:

Barb said...: Ours are only 1/4 gone, so we're not suffering quite like you, but the other 3 are so mobile that I still hafta take a poll every day to see how many will be eating at home that evening. I try to see it as a prelude to the completely empty nest and a good chance to learn how to be all alone again as man and wife. Start practicing now. My husband and I have been taking dance lessons all summer, then going for snax and chatting afterward, plus taking occasional day trips, just to try to help us get used to that aloneness in a good way!
Deeanne said...: I would absolutely *love* to take dance lessons with Greg. Not gonna happen. It's kinda understandable, though, when his partner at full height barely reaches his armpits!
Barb said...: High heels! There's a couple like you in our class, actually. His hand is regularly in her armpit. But they luv it anyway!
Meg said...: I do the poll-taking thing every day too, Barb. And half the time, their plans change after I've taken the poll. Sometimes I think it depends on what I'm cooking....

I don't think I could ever talk my husband into dance lessons. His one request when our daughter got married was that she wouldn't make him dance at the reception. She didn't.
Barb said...: Ha! Yeah, I think those days when I don't know what we're having until the last minute help...
Wow, he didn't even dance at your daughter's wedding?? My husband went reluctantly but now I'm ready to take some time off and he wantsta keep going. He likes having a date with his wife in a fun atmosphere, plus I always wear a skirt and heels, cuz for us it's a big date!
Deeanne said...: I reach his armpits when I'm wearing heels! It's embarrassing. Really. I don't notice the difference in our heights so much unless we're dancing or until I see a picture of us together and I think, "Heavens. I am married to a giant."

I got him to dance lessons once. He was soooo flustered that when we walked out, he made it very clear he wasn't ever goin' back. I haven't given up, though. I just have to put together a strategy. ;-)

Dinner? We're suppose to cook dinner, too??
Barb said...: Well, once in awhile! Makes it look like you care a little if you make an occasional kitchenly effort. Or too, if you try occasionally and screw up, then they don't mind it so much if you only cook once in a blue moon. Please Mom, don't cook! :oD
Maybe dance lessons would work if you wore a skirt and stilts?! Are your kids your same height, or taller?
Barb said...: BTW, if it's any comfort, Daughter #1's almost-fiance lives on the other side of the country from us. We've met him and his brother, but have yet to meet his mom and dad or sister and bro-in-law. Nor have we ever been to his city, and Daughter will likely go to live there after they marry. Which doesn't bode well for future grandparenting! :o(
Susan said...: To not be needed as much by your teens is the realization that they're all grown up. It's a little sad, yet still fulfilling knowing that you've raised an independent, responsible child.

And we've considered dance lessons. In fact, I was looking around yesterday to see if any local places offer lessons. I think the show; "So You Think You Can Dance" has really inspired us. I'm not talking basic dancing, but we'd love to try Salsa, Foxtrot, Latin, Swing, and Tango just to name a few. They make it look so beautiful and elegant on that show. And it looks so fun. Maybe my DH can talk him into it.
Barb said...: We've done Foxtrot, Salsa, Merengue, Waltz, and Swing. Tango is comin' up shortly. Latin is the advanced class for us, cuz you hafta lean your hip into your bent knee to get that cool hip motion--the opposite of what we're used to in the day-to-day. Dancing With the Stars starts again soon too!
Deeanne said...: Susan, Your DH is a great dancer, always has been. I think y'all would have a blast. And if he can get his big bro to take lessons with y'all, then I'll ride on your DH's motorcycle.
Barb said...: Paul Coughlin has a really elegant article on leading and following (with dance illustrations) at crosswalk.com under "marriage." Not to be really dumb, but what is a DH?
Deeanne said...: DH = Dear Husband

And don't feel alone, Barb. That's about the only one I know. My kids have zillions of them that they use when text messaging or IMing (instant messaging). I have caught on to POMS (parent over my shoulder) and don't allow the use of it--at least, not while I'm standing over their shoulder! ha! The rest I haven't been able to decipher. Somebody needs to compile a dictionary for us parents so we can keep up!
Barb said...: There's a whole speshul language for that stuff?? My kids have had me more in the dark than I realized... :o0